pancakes, bacon and pizza

i am in the midst of finals, papers and planning the class retreat since i am the class vice president. will somebody please hire somebody to shoot me in the thigh? (i'm not sure why i chose the thigh)

it is strange to think that i will have completed 33 hours of grad school after this week. mathematically it is impossible for me to fail all of my classes, a comfort i cling to in times like these. actually, i'm performing better academically than i ever have. it is amazing how much i'll study things i love as opposed to things i rather detest (i'm talking to you chemistry).

i'm learning more than i can process and i'm taking in more than i can handle. a professor told me the other day that what worries him is that he has become educated beyond his ability to follow and obey, that he has learned more than he knows what to do with.

now, i know those statements could come across as pompous words of someone who fancies himself an intellectual elite. but this was not the man's heart. he has simply been studying the bible, theology and spiritual matters for decades. he knows a great deal, plain and simple.

truthfully, what he said was rooted in humility. he desperately wants to obey and walk in faith in God, not in faith in his brain. in the church today, particularly the church in the bible-belt, i think there is the threat of becoming educated beyond our ability to obey, our ability to worship and our ability to follow. because we've heard it from the nursery on up, it is easy to think we understand it or that we've got it. that is quite natural. the longer a person is exposed to anything, the harder it is for that thing to be fresh or to maintain its impact. this is true of almost everything, except pancakes, pizza and bacon (those three never lose their power). God fits right in there too, probably just above all three.

beyond all of the things i'm being tested on and writing about, i've learned a great deal on the depths of God. i know there is more depth to explore and i will spend life exploring that. but i have to remind myself that exploration is more about finding something, making a claim. it isn't simply about wandering. i think this is especially true of faith in Jesus Christ.

i am not meant to simply plow through book after book about God, the atonement, systematic theologies and whatever else is before me. i am meant to revel in the truth of what i'm studying. i am meant to let God's Word change me and guide me. i am meant to let the things i know trickle down from my head to my heart and then let it work its way out through my hands into real life. knowledge simply does not a lick of good if it doesn't change us.

that process can be painful. there are things in my life i hate to acknowledge. in my ability to reason and justify things i don't even have to. i can simply let myself focus on the others. but that isn't holiness. that isn't what God has called me to. the true love of God is in obedience. 1 john 5:3 states that pretty clearly: "this is love for God: to obey his commands..."

that is what i'm meant for. i meant to love God. that is what i was created for, to revel in that love, commune in Him and obey. that verse adds "and his commands are not burdensome." this has proven true in my life. it is in obedience, in doing what i know God would have me do when He would have me do it, that i find joy.

the problem isn't amassing knowledge. that problem is letting that knowledge lose its meaning. there is great power behind the Gospel. i've lost sight of that a lot. thankfully, He keeps reminding me of how beautiful His love for us really is. i still don't get it. i still don't deserve it. but i love it and i'm grateful.

in light of that professor's thoughts, i think paul's words to the corinthians is an appropriate end to this rambling: for i resolved to know nothing while i was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.