AHHHH! COUCH!

while traveling down the interstate sunday afternoon, i had an unfriendly encounter with some furniture. i found myself behind a pickup truck which just happened to be carrying some furniture. this furniture was not tied down to its fullest potential.

in fact, i approached the truck cautiously from behind and thought to myself: "that stuff doesn't look like it was tied down to its fullest potential." at about the time i finished that sentance the couch began to shimmy. i then said "it looks like that couch is about to fly out of the truck, possibly killing me."

not soon after i said that, the couch began to fly out of the truck, possibly killing me. the whole thing was quite prophetic on my part. i would say something and then it would happen.

the couch began to work itself off of the back of the truck and came after me like a ninja-vigilante. as it started its attack my first defense was to yell: "AHHHHH! COUCH!"

the screaming did nothing to deter the rogue couch. it continued its advance upon my ranks, adding to its forces by recruiting a few cushions and what appeared to be some type of chair or an ottoman.

it was me and the furniture now, soaring down the interstate at 70+ miles an hour.

i acted on instinct, weaving through the first wave of attackers. freedom was only a couch away. this was my great and worthy enemy. i dug deep and remembered the advice of emilio estevez from the mighty ducks.

looking over to my passenger seat, i swear i could see gordon bombay instructing me on how to perform a triple deak. he walked me through the steps and a few swift moves later i was past the spinning death the couch was ready to deliver.

safe and unharmed, i looked behind me only to see the couch find its way to the side of the road as my fellow road warriors passed safely. but as i looked upon the couch one last time in the rear view, i swear i saw it mouth these words:

"i will get you."

from now on, i will live in fear. somewhere out there, a couch longs for my demise.